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The Blog Page For Jupiter Chevrolet In Garland Texas
14
Jan
7
Oct
Our esteemed Service Manager, Malcom Simons is in the photo below with his pants down to his ankles. Why would he be photographed like this knowing that we would put him on the blog?
Good question. I don’t think he thought that far ahead.
Malcolm raced all season at Redline Raceway this summer, and made it to the bracket finals at Pine Valley Raceway, where this illustrious photo was captured. He made it through the eliminations at Pine Valley to the semifinals.
Malcolm not only raced the Jupiter Chevy Camaro, but he had a foot race as well. At Pine Valley, along with Drag Racing, they also paticipated in “Olympic Activities.” One of which is a foot race with your pants down to your ankles.
Malcolm may be a fantastic drag racer, but he couldn’t hold a candle to the lady to his left. She won the race. Malcolm, on top of it all, you have a photo on the Internet in your nice boxer briefs, but you also got beat by a girl.
WAY TO GO!!-we still love you though. Keep up the good work!
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25
Sep
Some road signs can just make you stop dead in your tracks. The roads of America are full of odd, strange and somewhat disturbing road signs. Through a nationwide contest, insurance carrier Hagerty Insurance complied a list of the top 10 weirdest, wackiest road signs that have been keeping drivers laughing from the Carolinas to the Californian coast. The 10 signs were pulled from a list of nearly 250 strange, funny and surprising travel, road and business signs from all across the country.
America’s Top 10 Wackiest Road Signs
1. “If you hit this sign, you will hit this bridge.”
2. “Extreme Fire Hazard: Don’t even fart in the forest.”
3. “Arm, Leg, First Born”
4. “Attention dog guardians: Pick up after your dogs. Attention dogs: Grrr, bark, woof. Good dog.”
5. “Hell Freezes over” (frozen “Hell” sign)
6. “Eat here, get gas & worms.”
7. “Guns, wedding gowns and cold beer”
8. “Caution Pedestrians Slippery When Wet”
9. “Drive slow, see our village: Drive fast, see our judge.”
10. “Drop your pants here.” (laundry mat sign)
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13
Sep
There was this car that was driving very slowly down the highway. A State Trooper pulls it over. “What have I done wrong, officer?” the driver asks.
“You are going 26mph on a major highway. There is a law against that,” the officer says to the driver. “You must go at least 50mph.”
“But when I turned on the highway, the sign said 26!” the driver replies.
“HA HA HA!” The officer laughs out loud. “That is because this is Interstate 26! The 26 isn’t the speed limit!”
The driver leans back in her car seat and the cop sees another woman sitting beside her. She looked as pale as a ghost.
“What happened to her?” the officer asks.
“I don’t know, but she has been that way ever since we got off of interstate 160.”
After a car crash one of the drivers is lying injured at the side of the road. ‘Don’t worry,’ said a policeman, a Red Cross nurse is coming to attend to you.’
Oh no,’ groaned the victim, ‘couldn’t I have a blonde, cheerful one?’
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
What do you do if you see a spaceman?
Park your car in it man.
A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. “How did you know I was speeding?” the frustrated driver asked.
The police officer pointed somberly towards the sky.
“You mean,” asked the motorist, “that even He is against me?”
A man in a Porsche 911 stops at a stoplight and a guy on a scooter pulls up next to him. The guy on the scooter leans over and takes an admiring look at the inside of the Porsche and tells the driver that he has a really hot car. Well, the light turned green so the driver of the Porsche decides to show off and peels out and leaves the guy on the scooter in the dust. Then, all of a sudden, he sees the scooter zip on past him. So, being a little cocky, the Porsche driver floors it again and blows past the guy on the scooter. A few seconds later, he again sees the scooter zip on past him. So now he’s a little irate as well as a little mifted that that scooter keeps passing him so he floors it until he is going over 100 mph. He thinks to himself that there would be no way that scooter could catch him now, but then looks in the rearview mirror and sees that scooter starting to catch up. He then decides to find out what that scooter really is and slams on his brakes. Then the scooter crashes into the Porsche. After the dust settled, the Porsche driver sees the scooter driver lying in the road and goes over to him and askes how he could go as fast as the Porsche on a little wimpy scooter… The dying man replied, “I can’t really, but my suspenders were caught on your side mirror….”
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
A man was caught for speeding and went before the judge. The judge said, “What will you take: 30 days or $30?” The man thought and replied, “I think I’ll take the money.”
A traffic cop flagged down a motorist and said, ‘I’m arresting you for going through three red lights.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m colour blind,’ said the motorist.
‘In addition to that, you were exceeding the speed limit,’ said the policeman. ‘So what?’ said the motorist. ‘And on top of all that you were going the wrong way down a one-way street,’ added the officer. ‘I always did have a lousy sense of direction,’ said the motorist with a smile.
At that point, his wife leaned forward from the ,back seat and said, ‘Don’t pay any attention to him, officer. He always talks like this when he’s had a few drinks.’
Motorist: ‘But, officer, I was speeding because I’m late for an appointment with my lawyer.’
Policeman: ‘Well, now you’ve got something else to tell him.’
Overheard to a chauffeur: ‘James, I’m now ninety and rather bored with life, so I want to commit suicide. Kindly drive over the next cliff.’
A careful driver is one who has just spotted a speed camera.
A dilapidated and very ancient Ford pulled into the local garage. ‘Could you let me have half a gallon of petrol?’ asked the old fellow at the wheel.
‘Why don’t you fill her up, now that you’re here?’ said the attendant.
‘Well,’ said the old chap, ‘she might not run that far.’
I once drove to the South of France in six days. It took me four days to get there and two days to fold up the road maps.
“So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.”
A man in a Jaguar passed a mini that had broken down by the side of the road. Being a kindly driver, he stopped and fixed a tow-rope to it and began towing it to the nearest garage.
After 10 minutes of towing, a Porsche passed them at high speed. The Jaguar driver was not going to be outdone by a Porsche, so, forgetting that he had a mini in tow, slammed his foot down and the Jaguar and Porsche indulged in a high-speed race down the road, the Skoda and it’s occupant trailing wildly about at the end of the rope frantically trying to attract their attention and failing.
A Police car saw them and gave chase. The Police driver radioed back to Headquarters “Sarge, you’ll never believe this, I’ve just seen a Porsche and a Jaguar neck and neck doing 150 mph – and a bloke in a mini flashing his lights, blowing his horn and trying to overtake them!”
Submitted by : Ian Brown
There was once a small snail who always dreamed of becoming a race-car driver. One day he heard that an uncle of his had died and left him some money! Now his dream could be realized! He bought himself a car, souped it up, and then painted a large red “S” on it. When he was at his first race, a friend of his asked him why he had painted the big red “S” on the car? Simple, the snail replied; when people see my car go zooming down the, track I want them all to exclaim: Oh look!! See the S car go!!!!!!!!!!!!
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6
Sep
Incidents with Pedestrians.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
Accidents with other vehicles.
Collisions, calamities, and injuries.
Who is to Blame?
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12
Jun
First, you must learn to pronounce the city name. It is DAL-LUS, or DAA-LIS depending on if you live inside or outside LBJ Freeway. Next, if your Mapsco is more than a few weeks old, throw it out and buy a new one. If in Denton County and your Mapsco is one-day-old, then it is already obsolete and really, there is no good reason to be in Denton in the first place.
Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Dallas has its own version of traffic rules… There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Dallas. We all drive like that.
All directions start with, “Get on Beltline,” which has no beginning and no end. (It REALLY DOESN’T!!!)
The morning rush hour is from 6 to 10. The evening rush hour is from 3 to 7. Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
When you are the first one on the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going to avoid crashing with all the drivers running the red light in cross-traffic.
Construction on Central Expressway is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. We had sooo much fun with that, we have added George Bush Freeway and the High Five to the mix.
All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, “Oh, we’re in Fort Worth or maybe Denton!”
If someone actually has his or her turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
Car horns are actually “Road Rage” indicators – and remember,
it’s legal to be armed in Texas …
All old ladies with blue hair in a Mercedes have the right of way. Period. And remember,
it’s legal to be armed in Texas …
Inwood Road, Plano Road, NW Highway, East Grand, Garland Road, Marsh Lane, Josey Lane, 15th Street, Preston Road all mysteriously change names as you cross intersections (these are only a FEW examples).
The perfect example is what is MOSTLY known as Plano Road . On the south end, it is known as Lake Highlands Drive, cross Northwest Highway and it becomes Plano Road, go about 8 miles and it is briefly Greenville Ave, K Ave, and Highway 5. It ends in Sherman…
The North Dallas Tollway is our daily version of NASCAR. The minimum acceptable speed on the Dallas North Toll Road is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. It also ends in Sherman .
If asking directions in Irving, SE Dallas or Garland (Garlando), you must have knowledge of Spanish.
If in central Richardson or on Harry Hines, Mandarin Chinese will be your best bet.
If you stop to ask directions on Gaston or Live Oak, you better be armed… and remember,
it’s legal to be armed in Texas.
The wrought iron on windows near Oak Cliff and Fair Park is not ornamental!!
A trip across town east to west will take a minimum of four hours, although many north/south freeways have unposted minimum speeds of 75.
It is possible to be driving WEST in the NORTH-bound lane of EAST NORTHWEST Highway . Don’t let this confuse you.
LBJ is called “The Death Trap” for two reasons: “death” and “trap.”
If it’s 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
If it’s 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Fort Worth Stock Show is going on. If it has rained 6 inches in the last hour, the Byron Nelson Golf Classic is in the second round (if it’s Spring) or it is TMS weekend- and it is the Texas State Fair if it’s Fall.
If you go to the Fair, pay the $8.00 to park INSIDE FairPark . Parking elsewhere could cost up to $2500 for damages, towing fees, parking tickets, etc.
If some guy with a flag tries to get you to park in his yard, run over him.
Any amusement parks, stadiums, arenas, racetracks, airports, etc., are conveniently located as far away from EVERYTHING as possible so as to allow for ample parking on grassy areas.
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1
May
A man has been arrested at a Kentucky petrol station after he was reported to be trying to pump fuel into an imaginary car.
According to reports, Louisville police found Joshua L. Moore at the petrol station, where workers alleged he had been trying to pump petrol into a car that wasn’t there, in the early hours of Sunday morning.
The officers immediately noted what appeared to be a strong smell of marijuana.
After being arrested, Moore was found to have ‘two large baggies’ of marijuana on his person, as well as an impressive amount of ecstasy.
According to authorities, he also had a mobile phone and a large amount of money, which they take as evidence that he was involved in trafficking the drugs.
25-year-old Moore was charged with three counts of drug trafficking. Reports do not indicate whether his imaginary car was impounded.
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1
May
21
Apr
William Howard Taft
Taft was not only the fattest President of the United States; in 1909 he became the first one to ride in an official presidential limousine. In fact there were four official presidential limos: a White Steamer, a Baker Electric, and two Pierce-Arrows. From this selection, it’s obvious that Taft was an early proponent of no-fossil fuel vehicles (more than many subsequent occupants of the White House).
William McKinley
In 1899, McKinley was actually the first president to take a ride in a car, a steam-powered Locomobile.
Warren Harding
Harding was the first president who knew how to drive a car before taking office. He was also the first president to ride to his inauguration in a limo.
Calvin Coolidge
Typical of Calvin Coolidge’s reputed stingy demeanor, he rented his presidential limousines to save money.
Franklin D. Roosevelt
Roosevelt’s official presidential limo was a Ford equipped with hand controls because he enjoyed driving despite his polio affliction. He only stopped driving himself after experiencing a 1933 assassination attempt in Chicago. From then on, his limousines were armor-plated.
An additional note: on December 8, 1941, one day after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, Roosevelt rode to Congress to deliver his declaration of war in gangster Al Capone’s armor-plated limo. The car was then owned by the Department of Treasury following Capone’s tax evasion conviction.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
Eisenhower was the first president to have a Plexiglass bubble installed on the roof of his limousine in order to be seen by crowds even in bad weather.
John F. Kennedy
A sign of his times, JFK’s Lincoln Continental was tricked-out and gadget-laden much like a James Bond vehicle. It had removable roof panels that could be configured in various ways, and the back seat could be raised more than 10 inches. The car also came with a two-way radio and a telephone.
It was leased to the White House for a mere $500.
Lyndon Johnson
After Kennedy’s assassination, Lyndon Johnson had the presidential Lincoln overhauled, adding 1600 pounds of steel plating and bullet-proof glass, and a non-removable top.
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10
Apr
A man who was facing charges for driving a pedal car won a victory in a Toronto courtroom on Thursday.
Trevor Baldwin was pulled over on a Toronto street last October for operating an unsafe vehicle on Queen Street West.
The Buick he was driving looked more like a car from The Flintstones animated television show, in which the driver and passengers use their feet to propel the vehicle.
Artist Michel de Broin built the so-called shared propulsion vehicle to make a point about gas consumption.
The hollowed-out car has no engine or transmission and uses candles instead of headlights. It does, however, have hand brakes.
The car, which has a top speed of 15 kilometres an hour, requires all four occupants to pedal and work together – a sharp contrast to the solitary, effortless experience of a typical car.
As the Crown prosecutor tried to make his case Thursday, the court erupted in laughter, and the charges were thrown out.
Baldwin’s legal representative, Terry Fox, said the arresting officer never should have pulled the car over.
“Where’s the evidence it was illegal? There was no objective standard here. Just his opinion is what it was, and that’s not good enough. It’s speculation he based it on,” Fox said outside court.
Baldwin said he was happy with the decision. And what did he want to do after leaving court?
“I’m thinking its a really nice day, so we might go for a drive,” he said.
That’s exactly what Baldwin did. He grabbed three friends, pulled the car out of storage and took it for a spin.
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10
Apr
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25
Mar
There lots of ways to destroy your car. Most efficient are drunk driving or giving your keys to a neighbor who is absolutely unaware of driving. Well, what if you want to put your car out of commission for a year or two? Here are 10 ways that will help you mutilating your four-wheel friend.
Oil change. Even if everybody tells you motor oil is a vitally important component of your car, do not believe them. They are zombies. You just should fill up oil regularly during certain period of time, and you absolutely do not need changing it. Clever people will tell you such qualities of oils, as thermal and thermal oxidative stabilities, antiwear characteristics, viscosity rating and many others worsen with time. Statistics shows more than 70% car owners drive with insufficient oil quantity in engine.
Tire pressure. Underinflated or overinflated tire-covers not only reduce life of cover itself, but also worsen braking characteristic. You know, we are not in a hurry. Wrong pressure promotes fuel consumption increase – not a problem, you can find fueling on every corner. And we do not care driving such car is just dangerous and unpredictable.
Turbine. You bought a car with a turbine and understood it is useless in your car? Everything is easy. You just should forget cooling it for a while, and the problem is solved – you can throw away your turbine. Why this happens? Turbine is rotating with speed up to 200 000 rpm, so, it is becomes warm very much. When you shut off the engine and stop cooler, you prevent it from cooling, blades are turned down.
Cold engine. Another way to get rid of your engine – is driving with cold engine. Not just driving, but rushing. The process of gas burning out won’t become efficient, until engine temperature comes to optimal figure. Inefficient gas burning out leaves acids and other toxins that can corrode some engine parts. Oil also needs some time to heat up and achieve ideal fluidity. Experts recommend not picking-up higher than 2-3 thousands until temperature becomes optimal. Well, but you have no other chances to overtake this impudent BMW!
Short trips also can damage your car. The problem is the same, as above-mentioned: engine cannot reach its optimal temperature. Experts will name another minus: catalyst cannot work with maximum efficiency, thus, its life is shortened. Well, otherwise, you won’t be able to visit all bars in your district!
Fast speed. Tachometer‘s red zone indicates marginal rounds per minute. While fast speed engine experiences huge stress, all its components work at maximum speeds. If you keep speed in red zone for a long, you have a risk to lose connecting-rod. Hell with it!
Transmission. Many people have a habit of keeping hand on transmission. This leads to premature transmission deterioration. You know, handle is directly connected with transmission, and light jerks with hand on hummocks or in time are passed to selector. This is enough to cause light deterioration. This, in its turn, leads to transmission’s crunch.
Clutch. Another necessary habit in a business of car killing – keeping your foot on clutch. Always. Clutch plate will have a tendency to sliding, what will finally lead to premature deterioration. Keeping clutch depressed on a light signal is also a good thing. Clutch bearing will become worthless in already 15 000 km.
Wrong gearing. Nothing wears out engine the way wrong gearing does. Top gear strains engine around crank. Low gear means faster speed, you already know what this causes. Well, but the sound deserves it!
Dirty car – is not only one reason for an officer to stop your car, but also a wonderful medium for corrosion. The dirtier your car is, the more active corrosion is. You just should wash your car’s body once in a month and wax it carefully to protect it from corrosion. Well, a real chariot should be dirty!
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12
Mar
CANBERRA (Reuters) – An Australian who took a new car on a 3,200 km (1,988 mile) six-day test drive from the city to the outback has been arrested, police said on Thursday.
The 30-year-old convinced a car dealer in the southeastern city of Melbourne to lend him a A$40,000 ($37,000) Honda Accord sedan last Friday and drove the equivalent of London to Istanbul before he was arrested near the town of Tennant Creek, deep in the outback of the Northern Territory.
“He drove from Melbourne to Adelaide to Alice Springs,” Tennant Creek police Constable James Gray-Spence told Reuters.
He said the man was arrested without incident at a road block on his way north to Darwin after he failed to pay for fuel at a hamlet.
The test drive was the longest known to Australian police and topped a 500km theft on New Zealand’s South Island in 2006.
“I think we’ve topped that with the 3,000 km mark,” Gray-Spence said.
Melbourne car yard owner Ian McKenzie said the man would have had to have been in the car all day, every day to reach Tennant Creek.
“He seemed a legitimate gentleman. He stood at the desk right in front of a camera. He wasn’t afraid of being photographed or videoed,” McKenzie told the Herald Sun newspaper.
The man was charged with aggravated unlawful use of a motor vehicle and unlawful possession of property and will appear in court on Thursday.
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Jupiter Chevrolet
11611 Lyndon
B Johnson Freeway
Garland, TX
75041
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